Joan Rivers funeral wish - Valentino, Beyonce's hair, Meryl Streep crying

Above is Joan River's funeral requests written in her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me. Meanwhile it's been revealed that her funeral will take place on Sunday September 7th at the Temple Emanu-El in New York. See some more memorable quotes from the book after the cut...

  
On what she wants for her own funeral
"When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action...I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on;

I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely." I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's."

On obituaries

"I love the obituaries. To me, obituaries are just wedding announcements without the pictures. I read the obituaries carefully, the way Lindsay Lohan reads her Miranda rights."

On people who die of natural causes

"I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don't understand the moment. It's the grand finale, act three, the eleven o'clock number — make it count. If you're going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I'm going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you'll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead...On George Clooney's Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, 'Xjfhfyrnem.'"

On funerals

"I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It's a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it's happening. And, it's a great way to have quiet fun."

On people who offer condolences

"I hate people who try to make you feel better. Like the neighbor who says, 'Don't forget, the first part of 'funeral' is 'fun!' Or the minister who says, 'He's in a better place now.' I'm tempted to yell out, 'No he's not. He had a house in the Hamptons. What's wrong with you?""

On the pick-up scene at funerals

"As I get older, I'm going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it's a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is live eHarmony for the bereaved."

France beat Spain as World Cup hangover lingers

After the inquisition, the exhibition — or an exhibition game at the very least.

At the Stade de France in Paris, those who once ruled the world took their first steps towards redemption.

Call it pigeon steps but this was more evolution rather than revolution.

While a new generation of Spanish players may have taken to the field, the result proved to be the same.

Not one single shot on target and only a few fleeting moments of encouragement, this will not be a night where those who had hoped for progress will feel reassured.

Loic Remy’s 73rd minute strike condemned Spain to defeat as those in red struggled to escape the shadow which has been cast upon them since their chastening World Cup experience.

It was on a Friday night on June 20 inside Rio de Janeiro’s iconic Maracana Stadium where the football’s landscape shifted in a seismic measure which so few had predicted.

For so long, Spain had danced around the world like a matador teasing a bull, showing its opponent the ball before moving it away with a style and swagger which delighted so many.

Its brand of ‘tiki-taka’ brought success — the 2010 World Cup sandwiched in between victories at the 2008 and 2012 European Championship finals.

NATO chief asks Russia to pull back troops

Rasmussen tells Kremlin to stop backing rebels in eastern Ukraine as NATO leaders meet in UK amid calls for ceasefire.

Pro-Russia separatists have been fighting government troops in eastern Ukraine since mid-April [EPA]

NATO Secretary General has told the Kremlin to pull back Russian troops from Ukraine and to stop supporting rebels in eastern Ukraine, as leaders from the trans-atlantic military alliance meet in the UK. "We call on Russia to pull back its troops from Ukraine and to stop the flow of arms, fighters and funds to the separatists," Anders Fogh Rasmussen said on Thursday at the NATO summit near the Welsh city of Newport. We call on Russia to pull back its troops from Ukraine and to stop the flow of arms, fighters and funds to the separatists Anders Fogh Rasmussen, NATO chief The NATO chief asked "Russia to end its illegal and self-declared annexation of Crimea". But Rasmussen said that NATO would not supply arms to Ukraine, saying it was up to individual members to decide whether to supply arms to the conflict-wracked country. Earlier, the White House said that key NATO leaders had agreed during the meeting that Russia should face increased sanctions for its actions in eastern Ukraine. "The leaders reiterated their condemnation of Russia's continued flagrant vioaltion of Ukraine's sovereignty and territorial integrity, and agreed on the need for Russia to face increased costs for its actions," the statement on Wednesday said. NATO leaders, including US President Barack Obama and French President Francois Hollande, earlier met President Poroshenko on the sidelines of the summit described as the most important since the end of the Cold War. Poroshenko and Western leaders are to hold a session of the NATO-Ukraine Council, set up after the country became an alliance partner in 1997, the AFP news agency reported. Rasmussen said that the "meeting sends a clear message that NATO stands with Ukraine". Al Jazeera's James Bays, reporting from Newport, said that Rasmussen's language sends a very strong message to Moscow. "It is clear, according to NATO, that Russian forces are heavily engaged in Ukraine," our correspondent said. Peace deal Meanwhile, statements from Ukraine and the pro-Russian separatists gave indications that the warring sides might sign a deal to end four months of fighting that the UN estimates has killed nearly 2,600 people. Ukrainian president said he was ready to order a ceasefire in the east on Friday if a peace deal was signed at talks in Minsk, the Belarusian capital. The rebels said they were ready to declare a truce but demanded "proper guarantees" from Kiev. "There wll be no ceasefire without guarantees because in the past we had some ceasefire agreements Poroshenko didn't honour," said rebel leader Oleg Tsaryov. Al Jazeera correspondents report on the Ukraine crisis Poroshenko had discussed the outlines of the deal with Russian President Vladimir Putin on Wednesday. Putin had unveiled a seven-point peace plan. A statement by the Russian foreign ministery said that Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov and his French counterpart Laurent Fabius "voiced hope" the ceasefire proposed by President Putin would help bring the sides together at talks. Earlier, Lavrov said that reports of Ukraine seeking to join NATO were "a blatant attempt to derail all the efforts'' to seek a peaceful solution. Amid the ceasefire talks, a woman has been killed in new shelling of the rebel stronghold of Donetsk, according to Reuters. At least five buildings had been hit, including a church, and their windows had been blown out. Walls had been strafed by shrapnel. Observers from the Organisation for Security and Cooperation in Europe rights and security group were surveying the scene.

Source: Al Jazeera and agencies

Another shirtless selfie of Flavour

Flavour and his half-nude selfies. He shared this one tonight. Meanwhile, I see you, dear bulge! :-)

EFCC arrest Nigerian man for duping 75 year old Dutch woman of €200k

A 31 year old Nigerian man, Adio Opeyemi Micheal (pictured above) has been arrested by the EFCC for duping a 75 year old dutch woman of €200,000 in an internet romance scam. Find the EFCC press statement below...

"For swindling a 75 year old woman of 200,000 Euros in a romance scam, a 31-year-old confidence trickster, Adio Opeyemi Michael, an indigene of  Owu LGA of Ogun state, has been arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission EFCC. The victim, a certain Jeanet De Jonge, is a Dutch national." Continue...

Adio allegedly met the victim on the ‘Net log’ dating site and pretended to be a 41-year-old American citizen, working as a chef in a Nigerian restaurant and needs a wife. The profile attracted Jeanet and, in no time, began sending him money through Western Union and Money Gram.

"She was sending me money monthly, ranging from $800 to $900 from June 2012, through Western Union Money transfer and Money Gram to the extent that Western Union blocked her from sending money to me in Nigeria.  So she requested that I should go to London to enable her send me money there. I contacted a friend of mine in London called Osas Odiah, so that he can receive the money and send to me here in Nigeria. She first sent €2000 to my friend’s account in London, and later to my Keystone bank account, which was actually a Forex Trade account. We started using this account when we discovered that my friend was not remitting all the money sent by Jeanet to me,” the suspect revealed.

Investigations further revealed that the suspect collected the various sums under the pretext that he was going to use the money to perfect his travel plans and obtain the required documents that would enable him travel to Holland to join or visit Jeanet. But his inability or refusal to honour the invitation from Jeanet prompted the petition to EFCC.

The suspect will be arraigned in court as soon as investigation is concluded.
Wilson Uwujaren
Head, Media & Publicity

She's gone! Legendary comedienne Joan Rivers dies at 81

Hollywood has lost a legend, the world has lost a star.

Joan Rivers, 81, host of Fashion Police on E!, longtime comedian, red carpet host and mother of one, passed away in New York City, USA, today September 4, 2014.

The comedienne had been brought out of a medically induced coma after her heart stopped beating during a vocal cord surgery last week. Here’s a statement from her daughter and producer of Fashion Police, Melissa,

“It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers.”

“She passed peacefully at 1:17 PM surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother.”

“Cooper and I have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support and prayers we have received from around the world.They have been heard and appreciated.”

“My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

The world mourns her loss … RIP.
Statement via TMZ
Photo Credit: Getty Images/Angela Weiss

Seun Kuti shares old pic of his parents, calls out Buhari

He shared the pic above and wrote something really profound. See it after the cut...